How many times have we heard news journalists describe a community as "devastated" following a tragedy? These past few days in Dromahair I realised what that phrase meant. A pall of sadness and disbelief has hung over our village since last Wednesday evening. What is a deeply personal tragedy for the Pugsley family is also an issue which greatly affects our wider community, and it is an issue which we must address. This cannot be swept back under the carpet only to rear its ugly head again in tragic circumstances for another family.
At the church on Saturday evening Father McTiernan spoke masterfully and passionately about the dangers of cyber-bullying and the challenges which face our young people on the internet. He spoke of the need for parents and children to communicate and deal with issues in a constructive and healthy way. He spoke particularly to teenagers, assuring them that suicide is never the answer, that there is always an alternative, that help is always available if needed. As I listened to his words I looked around the churchyard and saw dozens of young faces, hurt, frightened, confused, distraught. Our children are struggling to make sense of what has happened, as indeed are we. Our job as adults, as parents, is to help them come to terms with the enormity of the loss inflicted on the family of Ciara Pugsley and on her friends, schoolmates and neighbours. More than this though, we need to help them to deal with the issues which face them on a daily basis. Young minds are fragile, impressionable and easily scarred.
Over the weekend I heard many people call for the banning of mobile phones and the internet. This is understandable but it is also unrealistic. The internet is a fact of life and is not going away. It is an enormous source of information, a marvellous vehicle for communication and extremely valuable if used in the right way. What we need to do as parents is to educate ourselves about its workings and its dangers and to equip our children with the tools they need to navigate safely through its social networks. We need be vigilant, to supervise, control and monitor effectively and to discuss openly, with our children and with each other. We need to question and we need to listen.
I don't know what is the best course of action for us to take to help our young people to recover from this tragedy and to prevent another. I do know that we have to try. As a community we have to pull together for the benefit of our next generation. We owe it to the memory of Ciara Pugsley and to our own beloved children. We simply cannot skirt the issues of cyber-bullying and teenage suicide. The stakes are too high.
Like everybody here in Dromahair I was profoundly shocked and upset by the events of the last few days. I struggle to make sense of this needless loss of a precious young life. I worry about what will happen next. I don't have all the answers. I'm not sure that anyone does. What I do know though is that we will not get any answers unless we ask some tough questions. It's time to talk.
If you have ideas, suggestions or comments, please get in touch at dromahairdiary@gmail.com
Very well written and directly to the point. As a mother of young children it is worrying to witness such tragedy. We never really know the reasons for such actions and it is hurtful that our children cannot confide in us as we are their protectors. Young adults are very vulnerable in the teckno world, and it is down to us to control their use of gagets. We survived before without them! None of us have the answers but we can get more involved in childrens life through eduction and example. Talking in very important and there is always someone to listen.
ReplyDeleteWe all share the well expressed sentiments in the blog. No one in Dromahair is untouched by the unfathomable enormity of the tragedy that has fallen upon the Pugsley family.
ReplyDeleteIt's a truism that no one has all the answers to tackle the perils of the most cowardly forms of bullying. There are a few things that we can do. We can challenge the culture of silence among our young people who misguidedly believe that they are well equipped to deal with their own problems amongst their peer group alone. Young adults often find it difficult to talk to an adult about a sensitive situation because they fear that we might wade in and make matters worse. But what, we have to ask, could be worse than a talented, nurtured, loved, beautiful child taking their own life because she didn't know that there were so many people that she could have turned to amidst a barrage of abuse?
We need to challenge ourselves too. We can all recall an instance when our children have told us something and we have held back from talking to another parent or a teacher. We avoid confrontation and discussion because we may have experienced unpleasantness arising from trying to address issues in the past. We must become accustomed to being swifter to act even if it feels uncomfortable.
We can also teach our children not to be dismissive when they hear a cry for help. The internet or mobile phone can be invaluable for expressing words that are hard to say, but, as Fr McTiernan suggested, maybe a more human response might be better when we've received a worrying message.